I’ve only been back a week. In that time, I’ve seen people leave, some to take the train in relative safety to other parts of Europe, others by other, less safe means. I’ve experienced the joy of eating delicious food prepared by women who know their way around a kitchen. I’ve gotten to meet a number of people from various countries who have found their way to Calais for one reason or another.
In other words, nothing has changed.
Indeed, it almost feels as though I never left. It’s like my two months in North America were only a dream, not a true, lived experience. The faces have changed, but the spirit and core of the Maria Skobtsova House remain the same. We still face the same difficulties, and we still experience the same moments of happiness.
But one thing is new. We’ve welcomed a new volunteer, a young woman who is just beginning her adult life. I see in her what I almost always see in new, young volunteers: a big, kind heart that can’t fully comprehend why the people they grow to care about are treated with such inhumanity.
We try to warn new volunteers beforehand. We tell them that they will experience some level of shock on their arrival to Calais. They’ll be left without understanding why people in positions of power have such a negative view of these vulnerable people we serve. We tell them that they’ll develop intense, deeply personal relationships with the women and children in the house, and that one day, without warning, they’ll be gone, often under perilous circumstances which leave you wondering whether you’ll ever see them again. This place has the power to break you.
And you should let it break you.
Don’t build protective walls around your heart that fail to let in the warmth and light of the souls that surround you in this place. Don’t keep out the feelings and emotions that are hard to deal with. Don’t push away questions that keep you awake at night wondering why it has to be this way.
Instead, let the people in. Welcome them into your heart so that you can love them with all your soul. Give them that vulnerable piece of yourself that you want to hold back so desperately. Share moments of peace and solitude with them. Open yourself to the chaos that can break in at a moment’s notice. Be your true self and pour out your love on these women and children as they pour their love onto you.
And then, when you have forged the bonds that can only be created in the fires of tribulation and shared life together, allow yourself to be broken when the person you love is hurt by those who are meant to protect. Let the brokenness that these women experience break you too. Let yourself be broken by the realisation that this is wrong, that the people you love are treated as less than human by the powers that be.
Be vulnerable, and open your heart. In this place you will experience joys and togetherness beyond understanding. But you will also see when the darkness breaks through and hurts the ones to whom you have given yourself.
And you should let it break you.
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